enough is never quite enough

Don't really know what's up with me today. I've had one of those days where I really didn't want to leave the house. I've been on the couch pretty much all day watching TV. Thinking. I think too much sometimes. I think so much that it stresses me out. It can't be good for me that I overanalyze things as much as I do sometimes.

What's been on my mind today? Oh, just life. No big deal.

But really. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. About what to do with my life. I really don't know what I want to do. I know that I don't want to sell shoes for the rest of my life. That's for sure. I've been considering studying something but... what? I have no idea. And it feels really stupid to just go pay to school, take student loans and stuff when I really don't know what I want to do. I think I'm having some kind of mid life crisis or something. I just don't know what to do with my life and it's driving me absolutely crazy.

I wish I was the kind of person who could just pack a bag and get out of here. Go some place new, try my wings, do whatever and see where it takes me. But I'm not that person and I don't know if I will ever be able to change and become that person.

So this is what's been on my mind today and I really stress too much about this these days. And when I start thinking about it it's hard to stop. I started to panic a little bit a couple of hours ago. Felt like I couldn't breathe and all these thoughts were driving me half insane. So I went out for a walk. Was unpleasantly surprised by how humid it was (but that's besides the point). Went home to my mom's. Had tea with my mom and my sister. Talked a bit about everything and nothing. And I feel a bit better now.

I love them.